THE BEST OF W.G. SAID-GRACE
The first fully employed cricket correspondent for the team was that great Tory-loving guy, W.G. Said-Grace, who did the job with so much passion. His collective works are here (all those that could be found in the archives). He lasted from the club's first victory on the 17th of May 1991 to the victory over Fauldhouse on th 26th of August 1994. All the lads wish W.G. all the luck for the future (what's left of it),
1991
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PVCC v MORTON - 17th MAY 1991
FIRST TIME OUT VICTORY FOR VILLAGE
The newly formed and long awaited Preston Village Cricket Club faced their first adversaries, Morton Cricket Club, to do battle over 35 overs.
The venue for this historic occasion was the delightful setting of the Meadows in Edinburgh. The sun was out (caught behind mid wicket), the wind hardly ruffled the carpet of flowering cherry tree blossom which coated the grass like pink snow; a magnificent back drop which would surely produce cricket to match the surroundings.
A slightly different story unfolded in the “Village” dressing room. Tension was running high; the skipper, Jim (the Boss) Anderson was trying to psyche his team on to great things.
“We are winners, always have been, always will be” he chanted “We will win everything today”.
He then promptly lost the toss and Ferrier and Innes were trudging their way to the middle.
Bigl the Morton first strike bowler, a bearded, fearsome looking chap was pacing his run up. It looked longer than that needed for a 747. He thundered in on a practise run and Ferrier hastily convened a mid wicket conference and was heard to offer his partner the opportunity to toss a coin to see who would receive the first ball. Innes immediately scuttled back to the non-strikers end with a shrug of the shoulders and a “Que, No Comprende”, like Manuel avoiding a backhand from John Cleese.
The batsman endured a torrid first half hour, the ball coming mostly at head height. There was so much ducking and diving, I half expected Arthur Daley to make an appearance. Ferrier was first to settle and started scoring runs at a rate which belittled the bowlers’ effort and obvious skill – front foot, back foot, he began to dominate the proceedings.
At the other end, his partner’s Latin temperament was showing, thrashing his bat at anything that moved, ball, umpire, anything and anybody. The score rattled along until Ferrier was out, when the total stood at 72, his contribution being 41.The next batsman to the fielding team’s horror was the new improved Mk2 version of the retreating batsman, his son Andrew.
Soon into his stride, he charged into the attack scoring fluently. Unfortunately his innings was brought to a premature end when he played on, driving a full length ball. One of the Village’s imported players, Paul Ronan was next to the crease, much to the relief of Innes who had been struggling to keep up with the speed of young Ferrier between the wickets.
Overs running out and Ronan, trying to force the pace, was out to the penultimate ball which turned unexpectedly and knocked his middle stump some distance. Jimmy Yule made the long walk to face the last ball and managed to head his way to a single from a ball that kicked viciously to head height. The innings closed at 109 for 3.
After a delightful tea and biscuits (a can of beer for some), Jim Anderson led his buoyant troops on to the field. Morton’s openers, Coutts and Mitchell, strode to the middle with a confident air.
Jim Anderson opened the bowling and with his last ball of his first over trapped Coutts LBW. Skinner joined Mitchell and they moved the score to 19 before young Ferrier brilliantly caught and bowled Mitchell. Boyle was next up and only five runs were added before Cairney caught Skinner off Ronan’s bowling.
The Village fielding was proving to be excellent Donald, the next batsman steadied the Morton Innings and the score moved onto 40 for 3. Jim Anderson produced an inspired but unexpected bowling change, bringing on Innes and Cairney, and five wickets fell for only eight runs.
Morton’s backs were up against the wall and needed a stalwart stand from Burns and Page, who stopped the rot, taking the score along to 74 with some splendid stroke play. Anderson re-introduced himself into the bowling and had Burns brilliantly caught by Ronan who twisted in mid air to hold the ball with the grace and agility of Olga Korbut.
Last man in was Nisbet and four balls later offered Paxton, the Village’s other imported player, a catching chance. Unfortunately, the sprawling figure of Paxton, spilling the chance, looked more like Ronnie Corbett.
However, the end was nigh and in the 27th over, Ronan, who finished with remarkable figure of 2 wickets for 3 runs, clean bowled Nisbet. Morton’s total was 76 all out. So the Preston Village victory song was heard all over the parkland as they progressed to the nearest drinking hole to celebrate their triumph.
All’s well that ends well and I believe a good day was had by all. New friends were made and individual efforts grew to feats of unbelievable magnificence before the night was over. The prospect of facing work in the morning with an aching head was in some distant memory unconsidered by these, our victorious champions.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
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PVCC v HOLY CROSS III - 24th MAY 1991
CRICKETERS GO DOWN WITH LEMMING VIRUS
Shortly before 6pm the Preston Village team arrived at the Meadows for their confrontation with Holy Cross.
The scene had a dramatically changed from the last time they played there, dark clouds were gathering, the trees so attractive and welcoming before, now cast black threatening shadows round the ground. The wind rasped the tree tops with an ominous warning of what lay ahead.
Unfortunately these messages went unheeded by the confident Village side (none of them able to speak tree or wind), who had just caught a sight of their opponents – a team of veterans, knarled old campaigners obviously past their sell by date, and couldn’t possibly be a match for the young, vibrant Preston Village team.
There was a sprinkling of youth in the Holy Cross side the youngest a friendly lad, confided in me: “I hope the regional council will be able to retain their concessionary fares scheme, I’m looking forward to my bus pass next year.”
The wind howled its final warning as the Boss attempted to weave his magic over the shiny spinning coin. Losing the toss, the Village were asked to field.
Thompson and McGill, the Holy Cross openers, strode out to the centre and their wise old heads immediately taking command. Thompson especially hard on the bowlers with two fours and a six in quick time. Ronan managed to turn one and Innes took a simple catch at square leg to dismiss McGill. Next up was Mitchell who zimmered his way to the crease.
He and Thompson continued to score freely. It soon become apparent that the Village bowlers, Ferrier and Ronan, had a major problem adjusting to the shorter 18 over match, wide followed wide. Anything down leg side and anything else the batsman failed to connect with was given wide.
The Boss brought himself on and immediately faced the same problem, nine ball overs became the norm with one of 11 being the highlight. Frustration grew, the Boss became angrier, pawing the ground at the top of his run up like a bull being tormented by a toreador with a white jumper, whose arms seemed out-stretched in a permanent crucifix.
The match proceeded, runs were scored, and wickets fell but Holy Cross still held the upper hand. Desperate measures were called for and, in a moment of panic induced madness, the Boss tossed the ball to Innes.
With his strange samba-like run up and hop delivery, he proceeded to mesmerise the batsmen, experienced they mat have been, father time they were not. The resulting maiden came as a welcome relief to the Village.
The third ball of his next over rapped the pad, leaping like a scalded cat, screaming like a banshee, he twisted to look to the umpire for the inevitable lbw. The umpire hesitated before raising his arm, quickly followed by the other, and another wide was on the board. The following ball ricocheted off a park bench. The diving attempts of the spectators, trying to evade the deadly missile. This brought a little light relief to the despondent fielders. The ashen faces a stark contrast to the dark background.
With only two overs remaining, Paxton tied the batsmen down with a short 8 ball over and, in the last; Innes took the remaining two wickets. The first was a great running, falling, legs in air catch by Dickson. The last a smart piece of stumping by McGuire. The Holy Cross innings closed for a total of 88, 27 of them were wides. With the light worsening by the minute the Village openers, the father and son combination of the Ferriers took to the middle. Scoring quickly they had put on 18 in three overs before Ferrier’s (Snr) middle stump went walk about.
Innes was in next but unable to rid himself of his bowling rhythm he danced down the wicket, failed to connect and turned to see the grin on the keeper’s face as he knocked the bails off. Dejected he trooped off head down, having faced 4 balls and scoring only 2.
Ronan scored 2 quick singles before he too joined Innes. They looked like two distorted bookends on the bench. Yule joined young Ferrier who was clouting the bowlers all over the place. Unfortunately, Innes and Ronan’s disease was contagious and Yule was soon being consoled by his team mates. Costello, Paxton and McGuire joined the parade to and from the middle. It resembled an absurd catwalk with all models dressed the same.
The Boss was next up and managed to stay awhile, this enabled young Ferrier to keep scoring. He might have won the game himself but the rot returned. Anderson, Edmond and Dickson caught the lemming virus and the Village limply surrendered 53 all out.
Young Ferrier was easily identified as the team trooped back to the dressing room – the rest had a sort of chins on chest gait.
A lesson well learned – you can’t tell a book by its cover or a cricketer by the creases on his cheek, and always remember to keep the umpire sweet.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
PVCC v HERIOTS 3 – 31st MAY 1991
PRESTON VILLAGE AT HERIOTS
A bright Sunday morning just after midday the Preston Village team winded their way through the streets of Edinburgh, the last peel of church bells echoed in the distance as they reached their destination for the match with George Heriot's Third XI.
George Heriot's! A name to conjure with, steeped in Edinburgh's finest tradition, a bastion of establishment, and "Goldenacre", its name aptly describes the location. Looking south the roof lines formed a stairway of slate climbing up to the rolling Pentlands, lush and green, they appeared to cut a swath through the city and merge with the castle
standing tall, proud at attention, eastward the folly top of Carlton Hill formed a contradiction kneeling in the shadow of Arthur's Seat.
Unfortunately, this glorious setting was lost on the lad, who were gathered together rapped in attention, as if hypnotised gazing into the hollow which formed a natural ampitheatre, in the centre, a perfect wicket, testament to the skill of Heriot's imported groundsman. At each end, sight screens rose like huge chalk white cliffs in a green sea, their imaginations fuelled by the scene, each of them scoring runs, taking wickets and catches with ease. This was a ground to leave your mark and make your name.
Oi! The day dreaming was rudely interrupted by an earthly voice: "Thy'll not be playing thar, thars for reel cricketers" said the groundsman casting an expert eye over the Villagers. "Yo's playing over thar" his outstretched arm pointing away to the north west corner, the lads started back blankly understanding not a jot. Yuley turned to McGuire saying "must be a Leither" and started for the changing room.
The boss introduced themselves to the host, Hamish Moore, the internationalist, he welcomed them and shook each player's hand. Paxton in his excitement at meeting this great man nearly curtsied, cursing his luck that he'd left his autograph book lying on the mantlepiece and not in his bag where it should be.
The team was warming up when the boss skipped across grinning from ear to ear - he had won the toss, the smile was quickly wiped clean when Yuley advised him it was his shout after the match.
The Heriot's side looked a formidable one mostly made of the school's 5th and 6th year, with a sprinkling of experience.
The Village captain, Jim Anderson, had elected to bat, his batting strength severely weakened by the unavailability of the Ferriers for today's game, he sent Innes and Ronan in to the crease. Stoddart and McFadyen were the opening attack. Innes facing first ball of the match from Stoddart, first thought the bowler had failed to release the ball having not seen it, the sound of the keeper snapping the ball into his gloves at head height and the aroma of leather which followed as the ball past his nose corrected that false assumption. Startled he beckoned his partner and said "Did you see that ball?" Ronan equally disturbed whispered "He's had his weetabix". They knew they were in for a tough time and so it proved in different respects. The first was having trouble with his run up and this had both batsmen perplexed, one ball would bounce twice before reaching them, the next a perfect yorker, followed by a extreme wide, the batsmen were just earning their keep just surviving. As they began to settle runs came, singles at first then a perfect square cut by Ronan sent a ball by McFadyen for 4, the total crept up. The batsmen heard the captain say to the bowlers "One last over each", and as the batsmen chatted mid wicket they congratulated themselves the worst will soon be over. Ronan took a single, the umpire growled at them for running up the wicket, as he was built more like Ian Milne than Dickie Bird, they solemnly obeyed his command and when Innes called for a run they both did a semi-circle which lost them as easily achievable second run. The last ball of the over spoilt what was looking to be an excellent start for the Village, a full toss from McFadyen ripped through Ronan's defence and shattered his wicket. Derek Costello joined Innes who was on strike.
The first ball of what should have been Stoddart's last over was a dolly and Innes trying to glance through the slips was easily caught by the waiting Turnball, two indifferent balls, two terrible strokes, and two wickets were down for 19 runs. Anderson joined Costello at the wicket, seven balls later and another full toss from McFadyen deceived Anderson who was beginning to show promise and his innings was over. A Dobie, who was on debut was next to the crease, moments later Costello suffered the same fate as Anderson and the impossible had occurred, three wickets from three full tosses.
The Village were in serious trouble, four wickets down and for only 23 as McGuire made his way to the middle. He and Dobie steadied the innings slightly then a quick ball from Stoddart who had been kept on, after his success, beat McGuire all ends up and he was on his way to the pavilion having scored 5 runs off the 15 balls he faced.
A bowling change brought on Turnball who faced the new batsman Cairney. He hit five off two balls and then was bowled by Hogarth, the other bowling change
Yule was next to the crease joining Dobie who after a slow start rescued the Village from looming disaster. He took Goddard who had just come on to bowl apart, hitting 18 off one over. The light beginning to shine at the end of the tunnel was extinguished when Yule was out to an amazing ball from Goddard, it took an unexpected bounce, hit his shoulder, rolled down his back, took a deflection off his left check and knocked the bails off. Yuley left the field mumbling "what a bummer" in more ways than one.
Paxton next up joined Dobie in a short scoring spree which lasted until Goddard had his revenge, holding a splendid catch off Stoddard's bowling, that ended Dobie's determined stand. He marched off head high, the team's saviour, hitting five fours and a six in his total of 34. The next two batsmen, Dickson and Nisbet offered little resistance and the Village innings closed with a total of 81. Stoddart was Heriot's best bowler with figures of 11 overs, 3 maidens, 5 wickets for 13 runs.
The Heriot's openers were More (Jnr) and Cooper, they soon showed their class. Technically very correct and dispatched anything that varied off line and length to the boundary, young More was particularly impressive. He then made one mistake and it cost him his wicket, bowled by Anderson when the total was 24 his contribution being 18, his father's influence was clearly evident.
Hogarth joined Cooper and as their confidence grew the bowling took a hammering, no further wickets fell and the batsmen reached the required total of 82 in 18 overs.
The quality of Heriot's batting showed the Village team still have a long way to go, but a good day's sport was had by all and perhaps this cricket lark in the long term help to dispel some of the preconceived ideas held by both quarters, the Village team looking forward to having Heriot's down to East Lothian determined to equal the hospitality and friendly welcome shown to them
W.G. SAID-GRACE
1993
PVCC v CORSTORPHINE 4 - 16th JULY 1993
PRESTON VILLAGE CRUISE TO VICTORY
Preston Village returned to the scene of their failure against Corstorphine III. Matched against their IV’s the lads were determined to erase the bitter memory of defeat and replace it with the sweet taste of success.
They were on a roll, undefeated in three matches their confidence was sky high. But Colinton Mains was a bleak venue better suited to defeat than victory, surrounded by “a drab housing estate of no architectural value, nature made no contribution save for the grass we stood on, not a tree or shrub in sight.”
Paul Ronan, done with insurance claim forms was back in charge – no Jimmy Yule or Ian Patterson, both on their holidays. The “Boss” was absent, “damaged ribs” was on the Doctor’s note he sent – it seems he had a collision while rehearsing a complicated jive routine. He was practising for ITV’s “Past Dancing”.
Also missing was “Pedals”, away cycle racing in Fife, his sole conversation for the past week has consisted of the Tour de France, quite interesting at first but quickly becomes tedious. He tells me his favourite cyclist is a Russian sprinter called Abdufal—Isoffalot.
Back in the team were young Capper, Murray, Robertson and Lawrie. Ronan won the toss and elected to bat, sending in Innes and himself in to open. The young Corstorphine attack was quickly put to the sword. Innes and Ronan putting on 88 for the first wicket. Ronan being caught in the covers off Tariq.
Young Capper joined Innes, they took the score to 96 when Innes, over-confident, played a dreadful no-stroke and was bowled by Greig.
Dobie was next up. Two runs later Capper was given out lbw. Kenny Black was next to the middle. He and Dobie made hay for a short while until Dobie was also out lbw to Greig. Out strolled Storrie and first with Black, then “Sumo”, took the bowlers apart with a swift 54. “Sumo” on 27 and McGuire on 6 closed the innings with a grand total of 226 for 6 after 40 overs.
After tea Ronan opened the Village attack with “Sumo” Tyson and Kenny Black. We never found out who would be the first change bowler as this duo skittled out Corstorphine for 27 in 17 overs sharing the wickets equally, a crushing victory for the lads.
The improvement has been dramatic. I’ll soon have nothing derogatory to write about them – when that happens I’ll go back to covering the English test side.
After the match the team was so elated that they invited me back to the Labour Club for a refreshment and never one to refuse free drink and because I had never even been in a Labour Club, I accepted.
I was surprised because I had expected to see picture of Trotsky and Lenin, hammers and sickles everywhere, but no! There wasn’t even the sombre music associated with the Bolshies and smoke filled rooms.
It was quite a jolly place. The biggest shock was the topic of conversation. Would it be the re-organisation of local government? Privatisation of water? The economy? Or the crisis facing the new eastern democrats?
No, it was the name of the cricket team. Heated exchanges were taking place at most tables, with opinions split between those who thought the name should be Prestonpans Cricket Club. Two bruisers named Tracey (I wouldn’t like to meet them down a dark alley) were leading this call, while shifty sort named Pat O’Brien argued that the historic name of the cricket team was Preston Village.
I left them to it. Now I know why they haven’t won an election since Adam was a boy. with my beloved Tories in turmoil and John Major’s popularity down the toilet they are arguing (very passionately I accept) about the name of the cricket team. I hate to mention money but the flow of sponsors has dried up. A charming chappie named Nabir offered a substantial donation “no strings attached” other than a knighthood and a defence contract. The team declined, their integrity being at stake.
Anyone wishing to sponsor this team of shooting stars should phone Prestonpans 810 876 and ask for Ebenezer who will supply the details.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
PVCC v LEITH FRANKLIN - 11th JUNE 1993
WELCOME TO MEADOWMILL
What a glorious day for the first league match at Meadowmill, the surroundings ideal, looking south Fa’side Castle standing proud in all its majesty. West the rolling Pentlands, northwards the sea, flat like a steel blue mirror laid a glass corridor to Fife, to the east, Blindwells – oh well, nothing’s perfect.
They say the sun shines on the righteous, I don’t know about that but it was certainly shining on the sponsored. Yes! The team’s first sponsor had emerged “All Weather Roofing”, who in case you haven’t guessed, specialise in all types of roofing repairs, had kindly sponsored the match ball, a local, highly skilled and very professional firm who have all the answers to your roofing problems.
Preston Village were fielding a below strength side, their Captain had flown off on holiday, that’s commitment for you, Ian Patterson was baby sitting, he’s in the quarter-finals for the best “Dad of the Year”. Jimmy Yule was away angling – for what you may ask; I don’t suppose we’ll ever know, the only thing I know is the local store had sold all its supply of corn nibblets to a mystery buyer.
The Vice-Captain, Kenny Black, was in charge and proceeded to win the toss, a rare achievement that and decided to put their opponents Leith into bat. Leith opened with Cook and Morrison, Black chose a new face, Tyson, to open the bowling, he’s a bit bigger than his namesake and a lot more aggressive. He bowled with tremendous pace but at the expense of control. Ferrier bowled form the other end and started with a maiden which almost brought a smile to his captain’s face. Gradually the batsmen got on top, the score reached 20 before they offer a chance, Cook flashing a cut to Innes a point, he managed to get a hand to it but couldn’t hold on and for his pains he got a “slating” from the “Boss”, the captain being too much of a
gent to use that type of language. The following over Morrison offered an even sharper chance to the luckless Innes who again only managed to get one hand to the ball which did not stick. The “Boss” was furious, his “slating” had had no effect, if I could offer him some advice he should leave the “slating” to the experts like our sponsors who do it super efficiently.
The score stood at 27 when Ferrier forced the first error, Cook trying to hook, knocked his own wicket down. Next man in was Connor who quickly dominated the bowlers. The next wicket fell to Tyson having Morrison well caught by Ferrier.
Stoddart came in but did not last long bowled by the “Boss” who had replaced Ferrier. Connor was joined by McIlwraith and they chased the score along to 79.
Tyson came back into the attack and bowled McIlwraith in the nick of time. Robertson and “Eddie the Eagle” had a spell each at the other end and ahd the batsmen tied down with some excellent bowling, Smith picking up 2 wickets. Leith only amassed 100 runs in their allotted 40 overs, 31 of them being extras which is nonsense. The bowlers should follow their sponsor’s example, they have no hidden extras.
A 100 to get and the Village team had the scent of victory. Innes and Dobie were the opening duo and it seemed that they had changed characters, Innes the “stone wall” began like a whirl wind scoring 11 off the first 2 overs then went for an ambitious sweep and was bowled. Young Capper was in next and batted with great composure. Dobie normally ready to have a go at anything round and red was being very cautious until his patience snapped and he top edged a good length ball and was caught.
The “Boss” joined Capper and together they took the score to 53 which would have been 73 if the “Boss” could run. I think team should get a zimmer for him. Then came the turning point Capper lost his concentration and was out playing a silly shot bowled by Cummings. Three more wickets fell without a run being scored so from being 53 for2 and coasting they were now 53 for 6 and in dire trouble.
Young Ferrier seemed to have the answer, hitting 19 off the next over, one glorious 6 and 3 beautifully timed 4’s, and the Village were back in the hunt at 72 for 6.
Unfortunately, these hunters turned their guns on themselves and the Village innings ended at 79 all out with the last 4 batsmen with duck eggs to their names. They were gutted and who better for you guttering than our match sponsors, “All Weather Roofing”.
I have to say the lack of experience showed and lessons will have to be learned before this team gets much older but nevertheless it was a great day for cricket, the spectators getting good value for money, bearing in mind there’s no charge.
Having a sponsor kept their Treasurer, Matthew Edmond, happy. The team call him Mr McKay because he treats every pound note as a prisoner.
The next home match is on Saturday 19th June and the team need two sponsors for that day so please phone 810-876 and just ask for Ebenezer. Lastly, a message for Mr Yorkston, the sponsor – the team would like their cheer leaders back please.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
PVCC v MURRAYFIELD - 18th JUNE 1993
MAXIMUM BOWLING POINTS FOR THE VILLAGE
Afternoon cricket lovers, my post-bag’s been getting rather heavy recently. Most of the letters from my adoring public are now either in the hands of my solicitor or being investigated by the serious crime squad. You wouldn’t believe what people suggest I do with a set of stumps and a cricket ball.
I won’t go into detail but I feel I should share with you the comments addressed to me by the secretary of the Test and Country Cricket Board. He and his committee feel this column is “a damned disgrace an affront to all cricket supporters and brings cricket into disrepute”.
Well I very politely (as is my way) told him if he was looking for things that brought cricket into disrepute, he need look no further than his Test Selection Committee, who for the past 18 months have by selecting “chumps” done more harm to cricket than Wallace Mercer did to the Hibs-Hearts Mutual Appreciation Society (there’s only two members left, Pat O’Brien and Robin Beath, and they’re not talking).
Another thing, do you realise that since John Major has declared himself a fan, English cricket has gone down the tubes faster than Jimmy Yule’s post-match pint.
Good Lord, if he scrapes the Health Service, if the pound is only worth the same rupee, of if he charges pensioners for prescriptions – we are in a recession. But, to preside over this once great nation when we are thrashed by Sri Lanka is nothing short of a resigning matter. And, if he is not, then the least he could do is to sit in the team’s dressing-room –that should keep our batsmen at the crease or a bit longer.
Now that’s off my chest, back to the matter in hand, the Preston Village team travelled to Murrayfield to play – yes, you’ve guessed it, Murrayfield. They have a charmed little ground and the morning of rain which threatened the occasion gave way to bright sunshine.
The Villagers who were still without their captain, sunning himself, Ian Patterson still on baby watch and Jimmy Yule on Civic Week duties, were also deprived of Robertson and Innes. Kenny Black still in charge maintaining his winning streak and asked Murrayfield to bat. They sent in Leighton and Watling, these two quickly dominated the bowlers Tyson and Anderson.
Tyson eventually broke through having Leighton caught with the score at 42. The second wicket fell at 61, Tyson again doing the damage and when Tyson took the third soon after, the Village hopes were raised, but in came Dalyell and batted quite beautifully. The score moved to 112 before Ferrier bowled Jones and then scored the prized wicket of Dalyell who scored 41. The remaining batsmen put up little resistance, in fact their umpires showed more spirit, denying the Village a definite run-out and two LBW. The Murrayfield
innings closed at 140 in the 39th over, with Eddie Smith taking three wickets.
All the Village fielding was good with “Sumo” Tyson’s splendid catch in the slips and Murray’s general fielding the highlights. The lowlight was when Dalyell, not long in, popped a dolly between 1st and 2nd slip, the “Boss” and Tyson both took off – big mistake – they collided with a terrible crash and ended up rolling around in an unnatural embrace; this has started the team asking questions about them.
I have mentioned the “Boss’s” lack of mobility and have done a bit of research into it, seemingly there’s not much of him left that’s original. When he’s called a man of many parts, I assumed this referred to his versatility – not so – the “Bionic Boss” has been under the knife more times than Cher.
During the winter break he had his knee replaced. Unfortunately the surgeon must have been drunk or a Hearts fan with a sense of humour – silly me – he must have been drunk. Well, he put the knees in back to front which means when the “Boss” tries to go forward he ends up doing the moon walk, not much fun for the “Boss” but the crowd love it. After a pleasant tea, the village set about chasing the daunting target of 141. In the absence of the regular opening batsmen, young Capper and Black were given the dubious honour. The Murrayfield attack consisted of McNaughton and Cummings who proved to be in top form;
Cummings being the fastest the lads had faced this season.
McNaughton took Capper’s wicket in the third over with the score on 3. Ferrier joined Black and they took the score to 15 when Black became Cummings’ first victim. The “Boss” joined Ferrier. This partnership lasted only one run then Cummings beat Ferrier all ends up. Dobie was next in – though only in body- it seems he, a lot of friends and a can of beer, or was it one friend and lots of beer, stayed up all night to watch the Lions roar. There was nothing remotely resembled a lion about Dobie as he meowed about the crease.
The “Boss” never lasted long, only scoring 1. Tyson said snap and in came McGuire, a strange sight with what looked like a lop-sided turban; it seems his wife had given him a bit of an ear bashing. Dobie asked for sun glasses and 2 paracetamol to be sent in. McGuire brightened up the proceedings by hitting a four which took the score to 20. Dobie then succumbed to the cumulative effects of the drink and the sight of McGuire’s bandage and was out for 1.
The “Eagle” flew in and flew out almost immediately, given out LBW; he always gets out that way, so there’s not many of the team left on his Christmas card list. Murray was next up and began with a flourish slogging one ball for 4. He and McGuire took the score to 31 before McGuire dollied a catch to mid-on. I remarked to the team it had been a good knock from McGuire and the lads agreed said, ear, ear.
Laurie and Brannen lasted no time at all and with Murray carrying his bat the innings closed at 37. Still, looking on the bright side the team managed maximum bowling points and were only 93 short of maximum batting points.
The team’s at home this weekend so get there early for a good seat.
PVCC v MITRE 2 – 2nd JULY 1993
BLACK MAGIC & HATRICK FOR PRESTONS PATTERSON
Two great sporting occasions took place last weekend; in the early hours of Saturday morning the British Lions faced the might All Blacks, desperate to salvage their wounded “pride” following two defeats by provincial sides.
A few thousand miles closer to home and 10 hours later Preston Village travelled to Edinburgh to face the undefeated MCC – before you get thinking; it was Mitre Cricket Club – at the Meadows.
You must be getting sick of me saying how wonderful the Meadows are but it simply is a joy to visit. I like to see the range of people who enjoy this green oasis, young lads kicking a football, girls playing volleyball, Frisbee throwers, dog walkers, joggers, lovers strolling hand in hand down tree lined footways, watching leaves fall between whispering sweet nothings, but mostly the magnificent setting for the noble are of cricket.
When the team assembled a few were not their usual chirpy selves. It seems the Labour Club in Prestonpans had celebrated its 25th anniversary – I was shocked, doubly shocked, first because drinking to excess had taken place the night before a match and even more shocked to find many of the team were members of the Labour Club.
If I had known from the beginning I was associating myself with Bolsheviks, I would have never agreed to work for them. If this gets out I might have to resign from the Rotary Club. Although at times I can be critical of our beloved Leader, John Major, gentlemen of my background are expected to be, and are, true blue.
The team who haven’t been able to field their strongest side all season was further weakened by the loss of Murray, Ferrier and Robertson. This was offset by the return of Ian Patterson, who looked in worse shape than the crowd with hangovers – it seems two weeks’ baby-sitting can take its toll.
Captain Black still in charge – Paul Ronan doesn’t return till next week (four weeks’ holiday he’s had, must work for the Council) – lost the toss for the first time and the Village were asked to bat. As Innes had not arrived Dobie was asked to open with Patterson.
Whilst they were walking to the wicket a dishevelled figure was seen running across the Meadows, it was Innes – it seems he wasn’t late, just behind schedule. The “Boss” was furious and set off to meet him, it was a strange sight, someone trying to change into their whites while being chased by a dervish trying to assault him.
Meanwhile, Patterson was in great form and immediately attacked the bowling, ten runs off the first two overs, then Dobie was caught off his gloves by a ball that had lifted. Luckily the “Boss” had claimed down and Innes was dressed in time to join Patterson and they took the score to 35 and looked to be in for the day when disaster struck, Patterson miss-hit and the ball went past the keeper. He called for the run. Innes, whose call it was and could see the minute fielder behind the keeper, declined. Patterson turned in vain and, like Atherton, slipped and slid to the sound of his wicket going down. There must be something in the rules about camouflaging fielders.
The “Boss” was next in. Unfortunately he had forgotten to wind his legs up. When he swung his bat his legs stayed put and was out leg before – 35 for 1 and coasting, to 35 for 3. I was expecting the inevitable collapse when Captain Black marched in.
Black played a captain’s innings and the score moved to 56 before Innes was caught behind square leg hooking. McGuire joined Black and without the bandage – which had been surgically removed – looked strangely unfamiliar. They marched the score nicely along to 76 before McGuire was also caught in identical circumstances to Innes.
“Sumo” Tyson waded to the middle and clouted the bowlers for a ferociously quick 11 runs before he was caught trying to hit one on to Castle Esplanade. Next to the wicket was the “Eagle” but a duck followed, at least he was keeping it in his fine feathered family. Jimmy Yule was next man in. He and Black breached the magical 100 and then the Captain’s innings ended. When he walked off, having scored 40, a strange expression formed on his face. To most of us it’s called a smile. When Captain Black is playing cricket, it’s called a rare occurrence.
Pedals McKaskill raced in to join Yuley and took the score to 109 when he raced out. David Walsh strode to the middle, his pony tail flowing behind him. He and Yuley survived the last two overs and the innings closed at 112 for 9. By the look on Yuley’s face you would have thought he had scored not 2 but the 112.
For the first time the Village bowlers had a target to bowl at. Could they rise to the challenge? Read
on …
The Eagle, opening the bowling, began with a maiden, Patterson, operating at the other end, proved
to be equally frugal and after 10 overs the score stood at 12, but the bowlers had no luck and the score accelerated to 26 after 14 overs.
Something special was needed. Burnside drove a loose ball from Patterson, the ball sped like a bullet, “Sumo”, loitering with intent at mid-on took off – the last time I saw something so big leave the ground so quickly was at Turnhouse Airport.
I don’t know how he reached it but he did. Clutching it like grim death he tumbled downwards, the mark that was left when he landed is now used by skateboarders.
Three balls later Patterson claimed his second victim and the lads were back in the game. The bowlers tightened their grip. Patterson took his third and then the “Eagle” opened his account. Four wickets down, 33 runs scored after 21 overs.
Next over Wright dollied a catch towards the “Boss”, the easiest catch I’ve seen for a long time. He dropped it – Patterson was mortified. Chancing their luck Wright and Horn took the score to 64 – was the “Boss’s” “faux pas” going to cost the Village the match? The tension grew.
Captain Black brought the “Eagle” back into the attack and he soared to the challenge, bowling the dangerous Horn and the Fyfe two balls later, two-wicket maiden. 64 for 4 turned into 64 for 6. Patterson then obliged trapping Mellon lbw with the score at 72. Eight runs later Patterson won the game, bowling the last three batsmen with consecutive deliveries–the team’s first hat-trick, producing the team’s first league win – FANTASTIC!
What a job I had in deciding the man of the match award – another of my chores. This team likes value for money–would it be the obvious Patterson, seven wickets for 36 runs and 27 with the bat? Captain Black’s 40 run and skilful captaincy? Would it be the “Eagle’s” telling break-through when the team were in trouble and for his figures of 3 wickets for 26.
Or would it be the “Boss’s” contribution of assaulting Innes. Out for a duck, dropping a dolly and leaving the field to – like ET – phone home.
No contest: it was the “Boss” – his hard work over three years created the team’s winning performance and credit where credit is due. He could have given up on this bunch of losers, but didn’t. Has the ugly duckling turned into a swan? Is Captain Black really Captain Scarlet? I think not, but, soon who knows?
This week the team is at home. Could it be two wins on the trot? If it happens, I’ll get them to fill in my pools coupon.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
PVCC v LIVINGSTON 2 - 9th JULY 1993
BOUNDARY CHANGES HIT PRESTON
Afternoon cricket lovers joint league leaders Livingston were Preston Village’s opponents this week. The weather looked bleak, the wind was rising, dark clouds gathering to taunt the weakening sun. Meadowmill has transformed from a warm inviting friendly green space, into a hostile, windswept moor, isolated and threatening. Could I hear in the distance the fearful cry of the dreaded hound of the Meadowville? The inclement elements affected not our courageous lads.
It’s amazing how a victory can transform a team. It seems Jimmy Yule had to duck down when going through doorways and he’s only 5ft 8in. The rest of the lads were going about like roosters, and Captain Black was, in fact, Cheshire cat.
Frank Marshall is the sponsor this week. Frank who, sadly, is no longer with us was a devoted NAY fanatical cricket supporter. I have got it on good information his family holidays were planned around the cricket calendar, his favourite spot was Canterbury in August. Well, his daughter Frances thought he would have approved of the Village’s commitments to the sport he so loved. A touching gesture and one I know the team appreciates.
Captain Black still in charge – no, there’s been a coup d’etat. Lucky Paul Ronan returned from his holidays on Sunday, nicely browned by the sun, to find his house had been scorched even browner by a fire next door the previous evening. So he was up to his armpits (nicely tanned armpits) in insurance forms. If he manages that minefield, the team’s going to get him to have a go at the score book – loss the toss and were asked to bat.
He sent Patterson and Innes to face the hostile Livingston pace attack which consisted of Forde, a giant West Indian, and Bestwick.
After the initial fright both batsmen settled well and began to play their shots. Innes strangely began to out-score his usually more prolific partner. They majestically swept past the 50 mark, the team’s first half century partnership. The score on 54, Innes flashed at a straight ball and was bowled.
Dobie joined Patterson and then watched him accelerate, taking the score along to 76 when Patterson caught Innes’s disease and was out to a similar ball.
The “Boss” then creaked his way to the middle and the run rate screeched to a halt. Dobie became frustrated, took a chance and was trapped leg before, for six runs.
Captain Black was next up, but both he and the “Boss” had difficulties coping with the bowlers. Runs were as scarce as Hibs new signings. Captain Black lost his concentration and was out without scoring. From Cheshire cat to sour puss, cricket’s a treacherous sport.
Ian Storrie having his first match since, coming down from University – that’s two University students in the team, they’ll be entering in the Pub Quiz League next – strolled to the wicket and proceeded to take 10 runs off the over. The “Boss” was having great difficulty in keeping up with young Storrie and I think he was quite relieved when he lost his wicket.
“Sumo” joined Storrie and the runs came fast and furious until Storrie was out after scoring a very rapid 26.
The “Eagle” flew in to the middle. He and Sumo completed the innings by trying for a non-existent run off the last ball, only succeeding in giving their opponents another bowling point. Neither of them could agree who was run out so they tossed a coin. “Sumo” lost. The Village total was 117 for 7.
After tea the weather turned nasty, the gusting wind brought with it driving rain as Dickson and Hannah opened the Livingston innings. Without a run on the board the Eagle had Dickson caught by Dobie.
In came Amhed and with him came the lucky white heather, because in the space of three overs Hannah was dropped three times, all of the Eagle’s bowling. First he skied one. “Pedal’s” made all of 30 yards to get into position but the ball didn’t stick. Then McGuire missed a tricky one behind the stumps – both difficult chances – but there was no excuse for Innes when Hannah drove straight to him at mid-on.
Spurned on by this lucky steak and the worsening weather, which was causing both bowlers to lose control, the batsmen began to dominate, taking the score to 76 after 23 overs. In the nick of time Patterson broke through and bowled Hannah.
Only two more runs were added and the Eagle took three wickets; 79 for 5 – the lads were back on target. Gorman joined Ahmed and they stemmed the flow. Together they put on 20 to take the score to 99 after 34 overs – 19 runs required off six overs with five wickets left. The match was slipping away from Preston Village.
Smith then trapped Gorman lbw and Patterson bowled Smillie. The pendulum slowly began to swing back, the score stood at 109 for 7, 4 overs remaining, 6 runs required, 3 wickets to fall and I had no nails left.
The Eagle rose to the challenge, bowled the over of his life, a two wicket maiden.
The pressure was on Patterson – six runs required, one wicket left, three overs to go. The batsmen took singles off the first two deliveries then Patterson tied them down for three balls. Dickson ran two of the last ball.
Two runs required of two overs when the Eagle flapped up. I could see the veins in his neck from the boundary, the tension was beginning to tell. Toms blocked the first ball, the fielders moved closer. He flashed and missed the second. You could hear the sigh from the fielders. He half hit the third. The “Boss” sprang and juggling the ball, he crashed top the ground. My heart missed a beat but the ball had nestled safely under his chin. The Villagers cheers were dampened when, walking in, they were told, on a recount, Livingston had 117 runs and the match was tied. Still the best of the draw against Livingston was a great result and some point are better than none.
A great match with a nail biting finish. I’m sure Frank would have had a rare old time. I don’t know if you have picked up the report in Fridays Scotsman. The team don’t read the proper press, they think a quality paper is expensive loo roll. David Scott, a colleague of mine, had been leaked the Secretary of State’s Local Government reorganisation proposals which, by and large, I agree with.
The more Conservative Members of parliament and councils the better I say. But, would you believe it? They intend to split up East Lothian which means Preston Village will be West Lothian and Meadowmill, where they play, will be “away down” in Berwickshire.
In that case Innes will never get to a game on time – could this mean the end of this budding Cricket Club? I hope not. I intend to start a petition: “Please Mr Lang, if you promise to save our Cricket Club and keep East Lothian together we promise to vote Tory” because that seems to be the real purpose of this exercise.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
PVCC v St MODANS - 23rd JULY 1993
PRESTON VILLAGE GO DOWN AT MEADOWMILL
With confidence sky-high the Preston Village team gathered at Meadowmill to welcome St Modans from Strlingshire. So confident were they that Robertson and Storrie had decided to turn up half-way through the match – capital offence in my day.
I don’t know what Captain Paul would have said if, after losing the toss, St Modans asked them to field instead of batting. He had enough problems; no Patterson, Ferrier, Black or the “Eagle”, all on their holidays. The “Boss”, his ribs still needing to be kissed better and young Capper was also missing, playing in a football final.
Jimmy Yule was back from his holiday, which is somewhat surrounding in mystery. What I can gather is he must have been at some sort of Chinese theme holiday because when I said he was away PO-Ching and had spent time at Her Majesty’s pleasure. I think that’s the big white hotel on the seafront at Blackpool.
As I have mentioned, Captain Paul lost the toss and was asked to bat. Not wanting to change a winning formula, Innes opened with his Captain and for the third match in a row, took the early bowling apart, 58 runs off the first 10 overs.
Then Innes, trying to drive first change bowler Satar, was caught at mid-on for 30. “Sumo” joined his Captain. Ronan almost immediately succumbed to Nash who had been brought on to stop the haemorrhage of runs, 60 for 2.
Dobie marched in and out without scoring, given out lbw, a decision, by the distance he threw his bat, I took he didn’t agree with, 60 for 3.
Young Storrie swaggered in to join “Sumo”. He brought with him the teams highest batting average, which was somewhat dented when he “quacked” back to join his team mates. Once again the dreaded batting collapse reared its ugly head as Jamie McGuire tentatively made his way to the wicket.
Thank God for “Sumo”. He decided enough was enough and hit 18 off six scoring strokes. Unfortunately, he misjudged a straight one, and his middle stump disappeared some distance. Costello was next in but he looked more like his famous namesake, than a batsman, another duck.
Scott Murray, all 6’4” of him, a real athlete, was the next batsman to the fore and four (balls) was all he lasted, the fourth duck egg on the score sheet. I was beginning to suspect what would be on the sandwiches at tea.
Robertson was next into the firing line and he was a marked improvement, managing to score one, before becoming Satar’s third victim. Time was running out when Yule joined McGuire, who was defending well, refusing to be drawn into silly shots his colleagues were displaying. This pair put on six valuable runs when the pace of Satar was too much for Yullie.
Alex Dickson, making his first appearance of the season was last man in. looking for every inch a sportsman, his body as temple, Dickson stuck it out while McGuire managed to take the team’s total to the magical figure of 100. Once this was achieved Dickson meekly surrendered.
I was right about the sandwiches, the choice was egg – duck I presume – or tuna. Very appropriate for when batting they looked like fish out of water. Still, 100 was on the board and all to play for.
“Sumo” and the superfit Captain Paul opened the bowling and immediately broke through “Sumo” having Pollock caught in the slips by Dobie with the score at 4. Next over Captain Paul bowled Bell with only 1 run added. His next over brought the “catch of the century” according to Innes who, fielding at silly mid-on (the best place for him, until fool in the corner becomes a fielding position) hung on to a stinger. Mind you, he had two choices – either catch it or loose his nose. An odd looking chap, he might have benefited from the facial alteration. Three wickets down for six runs, the job was almost done.
Their Captain, Nash was next in and first ball he skied one towards Storrie’s safe hands, Costello not hearing the call, galloped in desperation to make a name for himself – “Prat” immediately springs to mind – he crashed into Storrie, neither of them had the decency to catch the ball and a golden opportunity had slipped through their fingers.
Nash and Asher got on top of the bowlers and began to score freely. Asher then drove “Sumo” straight back to him, unable to get his hand to it, it cannoned into his shin. You could hear the crack the length of the ground – “Sumo” was heard to say “Oh dear, that was sore” or words to that effect – it sounded so painful most of the fielders were limping when they went to his aid.
With the batsmen on top, Captain Paul tried Storrie, Robertson, Murray and even Innes with no success until at last Murray broke the partnership, McGuire breaking a habit of a lifetime taking a catch behind the wickets.
Becoming desperate Captain Paul brought himself back on with Tyson and the wickets began to tumble, Captain Paul taking three in three overs. “Sumo” took another, but all was in vain, the target was reached with two overs to spare, eight wickets down.
“Catches Win Matches” – in this team’s case the reverse is true, they lost them. Murray, reputedly the best fielder in the side, dropped an easy one. Dobie dropped a slightly harder one and between them Storrie and Costello made the costliest mistake, so the winning streak has ended and the team must repair its shattered confidence before they travel to Grangemouth next week.
Those supporters wanting to travel to Grangemouth with the team should contact the bus convener on 0875 810 876.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
PVCC v FAULKLAND - 6th AUGUST 1993
PRESTON SLIP INTO TOP GEAR TO IMPRESS SPONSORS
Immediately following their humiliating test defeat, England captain Graham Gooch resigned, an with the selectors in turmoil, confusion reigned, all this paled into insignificance, with what followed the Preston Village defeat at Grangemouth last week, their second in succession.
There was deep dissatisfaction with the captain’s performance among a few of the team. Over the weekend cloak and dagger was the order of play – the knives were out for Captain Paul.
The captain was unable to attend training on Monday because of business commitments and with the vice-captain also absent the conspirators pounced. Gathering in secret they formed an impromptu selection committee, chose the team for Saturday and dropped Captain Paul. The die had been cast, the jungle drums beat out the treacherous message.
Unfortunately for the rebellious crew, they had misread the feelings of their team mates who rallied to the cause of justice and fair play. “It’s just not cricket” was the cry. Shamefaced, the offenders backed down.
There was much gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands. In fact, there was so much apologising going on this week that the team has changed its name to the “I’m so sorry cricket eleven” which has Lizzie and Bea.
You will notice I an not exposing the perpetrators but if you want to know who the guilty party are then just look for those in sack cloth and ashes.
To the matter in hand – Falkland travelled from Fife and were welcomed to Meadowmill looking its best, bathed in sunshine its seductive warmth beckoned the two teams forth to do battle. Inchview Car Sales of Eskbank are this weeks sponsors, they offer a comprehensive service to the motorist whether you are buying, selling, requiring a repair or MOT. Noel Palit the general owner guarantees the finest service with a friendly face, at a price you can afford – I’m impressed.
The team sent the “Boss” and “Sumo” along for their MOTs. Unfortunately, both failed, the “Boss’s” shock absorbers are done and his big end’s away. “Sumo” faired a little better but his spare tyre needs attention.
With Patterson, the “Eagle” and Black returning from their holidays and Capper back, the team was almost at full strength, only Innes and Ferrier unavailable. A new face was in the team, a young land from Musselburgh, who is “escorted” to training by his mother, had been promoted on the strength of his performances in the nets, Julien Ritz-D’Arcy a public schoolboy I’m told, a sensitive soul, far be it for me to say a mummy’s boy.
Captain Paul won the toss and asked Falkland to bat. They opened with Watson P. and Scranda facing the “Eagle” and Patterson who kept things very tight. There were only two runs on the team’s shiny new scoreboard when McGuire made up for missing one earlier by taking a sharp catch behind the stumps to dismiss Scranda off Patterson. The next wicket fell at 14, Dobie taking a spectacular on handed catch in the gully again off Patterson’s bowling. Dennis joined Shand but survived no time at all, Murray diving forward to take a smart catch which brought Patterson his third wicket. This brought Watson G. to the wicket. He and Shand added 11 more before Patterson bowled him.
D’Aerth H. marched out in cavalier fashion – Cavaliers are a speciality at Inchview Cars – proceeded to hit Patterson for two fours and an enormous six. He was really motoring. Next ball trying to drive Patterson, he only succeeded to in lobbing it gently back to the smiling Patterson. Five wickets for him already, he was having a fiesta – economical cars just like Patterson’s bowling.
Hepburn beetled in – for those who like continental models – to join Shand who was proving to be a sticker but two runs later Shand played a sort of golf shot and was given out LBW to give the “Eagle” his first wicket.
Jacobs, next to the wicket, lasted no time at all. It looked to me like he thought he was playing polo when clean bowled by Patterson. D’Aerth R. was next up. He and Hepburn took the score to 59 when Dobie took another catch again off Patterson’s bowling.
The “Eagle”, determined not to be outdone, took the next wicket, beating the batsman who got a faint edge on to McGuire’s forehead into the diving hands of Storrie – that’s the first time I’ve seen McGuire use his head properly. Two balls later the “Eagle” took the last wicket, trapping Garunge LBW.
Falkland all out for 79 with a Rolls Royce performance from Patterson – his second 7 wicket haul of the season – ably supported by the “Eagle’s” 3 for 35. Who said the captain was rubbish?
So 80 to win and, with a strong batting line-up, you might have been forgiven for thinking that this was a forgone conclusion. The only doubt was if the week’s shenanigans would affect the team’s performance – soon all will be clear.
In the absence of Innes, Captain Paul decided to send in Patterson and Julien Ritz-D’Arcy – sweet boy – to open. The Falkland attack consisted of H. D’Aerth who started with a maiden and Garunge.
Ritz-D’Arcy cracked two fours with sumptuous ease. He was looking good. Patterson sprang into action, determined not to be out done by a mere sibling, and bludgeoned a boundary. Two balls later a majestic six proving he was the Maestro and Ritz-D’Arcy the Morris Minor.
Unfortunately, the next ball destined for outer space never cleared the gully and Patterson soon parked up for the rest of the match. Young Capper, next in, meant neither batsmen had begun to shave yet, such a precious talent.
Ritz-D’Arcy took charge cutting anything short, driving the full ones, and with Capper supporting him well we were treated to some fine cricket. The running between the wickets was electrifying, the foolhardy youths! Falkland tried all manner of bowling combinations but to no avail. Ritz D’Arcy was on 40 when he was caught behind.
In strolled Murray – promoted up the order on the strength of a 52 not out in last week’s friendly – he looked every inch a thorough-bred, strange how looks can deceive. If Ritz-D’Arcy had played like a Mercedes then Murray was a Skoda – out for a duck. Kenny Black came in and with Capper secured the necessary runs with a boundary.
Captain Paul, like a skilled mechanic, had fine tuned the team to a peak performance and with it dismissed his critics.
Patterson’s bowling and Ritz-D’Arcy’s elegant batting were the match winning highlights, so back on winning tracks, but two difficult matches lie ahead so the lads need to be at their best. First away to league leaders Grange and then for Heriots in the season’s climax.
1994
PVCC v MUSSELBURGH 2 – 20th MAY 1994
VILLAGE SIDES TEST MATCH – THE BLACK ERA HAS BEGUN
Hello, cricket lovers. I’m back with all the thrills and spills of the new season.
I nearly missed it though. Well, the weather’s been so rotten who would have thought it was spring? It was only when I bumped into the “Boss”, I realised it was cricket time again because he was limping. I’m not saying he’s accident prone but the National Health Service can’t wait until he’s 60 so they can stop treating him.
It appears the “Boss” is recovering from a stress fracture. Most people suffering from stress take Valium, the “Boss” breaks a leg, very strange!
Anyway, he invited me to watch the lads training and I accepted. It was great to see them again and catch up with all the gossip. The only real change was in the Captain and Vice-Captain positions. Paul Ronan stood down and Kenny Black his Vice-Captain replaced him. “Sumo” won the race for the vacant Vice-Captain’s job with a very catchy little election slogan “Vote For Me – Or Else” – very sophisticated these Belters!
Training hasn’t changed much, Yullie and McGuire never ventured far from the carry-oot, former Captain Paul who, relived of the pressures of the job had spent the winter on a rigorous programme of watching Manchester United and drinking copious amounts of alcohol, was his usual slovenly self.
First match of the season was a local derby with the newly relegated Musselburgh 2nd XI due to take place on Sunday, so we thought, not so, Musselburgh had received special dispensation on religious grounds, to play the game on Saturday bout only informed the Villagers on that very morning. Unfortunately, our brave lads had attended a fundraising dance on Friday night and most of them were very tired and emotional on Saturday morning. No amounts of pleading, bribery or threats of violence would get Musselburgh to change the fixture to Sunday.
Sadly a few of the team could not make alternative arrangements, Scott Murray on Scotland duty with the Under 18 Rugby Team, the “Eagle” had flown the coop and could not be contacted and “Pedals” was following his impossible dream of urging Dunfermline back into the Premier Division. Hastily, Innes and the “Boss” were drafted in but that still left them one man short when they arrived at Lewisvale Park.
And what an entrance, clutching bottles of Paracetamol and Irn-Bru, they made Dad’s Army look like the Imperial Guard. Was that sniggering I could hear from the very impressive looking Musselburgh squad warming up in a very professional manner – probably not, these chaps looked gentlemen to the core.
Captain Black won the toss and asked Musselburgh to bat and led Rag Tag and Bobtail on to the field. It was a delightful setting, the square basked in bright sunshine, tall trees guarded the boundary on trees sides and the elegant roof line of old Inveresk Village punctuated the blue sky with a history lesson that added to its charm.
Captain Black set his field with the precision of a Persian General. Cripples close, walking wounded nearby and the two Ian’s on the boundary. “Sumo” opened the bowling against Turnbull with “super fit Ronan” starting at the other end opposite Braynion. The wicket was easy paced and it took some fine bowling from “Sumo” to keep the score down as Ronan struggled to find his line.
Turnbull settled straight away and raced ahead of his more experienced partner making 16 out of 20 scored runs when disaster struck, “Sumo” bowled a peach rising into Turnbull, who managed to get his bat on to the ball which flew straight down on to his boot and on to the stumps – he was not a happy lad.
Butt joined Braynion who began to warm to the task and anything loose was dispatched with disdain, the score rattled along. Patterson replaced the tiring Ronan and had a torrid first few overs as he too struggled to find his rhythm. The score edged toward the 50 mark and the lads were getting nervous, they needed something to happen.
Captain decided to pressure Butt, he being the younger batsman and set an attacking field, ringing him with close fielders. This succeeded in slowing the run rate down nut the vital break came at the other end.
The veteran Braynion top edged a lifter from “Sumo” high above the slip cordon, all four went for it but Yullie leapt the highest and claimed the spoils, the pendulum had swung. Cavers, in next, had barely anytime to settle when “Sumo” bowled the worst ball of his spell. Cavers gave it what it deserved and the ball rocketed past “Sumo” who – don’t ask me how – twisted like Twizzel, and plucked the ball out of mid air before crashing to the ground. The look on the batsman’s face was a picture.
Hare was next to the middle and he and Butt began to repair the damage. “Sumo’s” reward for his third wicket was to be replaced by Captain Black. Last year Black was a slow left arm spinner this year he’s got a longer run up than Curtly Ambrose. He and Patterson, who had found his length skittled out the emaining Musselburgh team, their innings closed at 76 after 31 overs. The best of the bowlers, Black 2 for 6 and “Sumo’s” 3 for 18.
The early finish caused a problem, as the kettle had not boiled yet. I took a stroll around the delightful setting noticing, as I ambled, Musselburgh’s video equipment, on asking I was told – ostensibly for training purposes – very professional thought the lads, being a tad more sceptical than the normal cynic I warned the more hot tempered of the team not to do anything foolish with a cucumber sandwich no matter the provocation. The warning was unnecessary and a delightfully friendly tea followed.
Captain Black warned openers Patterson and Ronan about complacency and they duly responded with a stand of 49 when Patterson dollied a return to the bowler Ainslie. Innes, unhappy about not opening, went in to prove his Captain wrong. His duck proved he should be batting at 9 or 10. In his defence I must say he was a victim of the best ball of the day, a savage delivery which cut back most venomously. The Villages lost one more wicket, that of Rona before Captain Black and “Sumo” guided the lads to a famous victory.
So it’s top of the league for Preston Village and the lads intend to stay there. But sadly, for such a successful side there is a lack of sponsors so come on cricket lovers, dig deep, phone Ebenezer Edmond on 810 876 and support our lads.
PVCC v CORSTORPHINE - 27th MAY 1994
VILLAGERS HOLD ON AT TOP OF THE LEAGUE
Afternoon cricket lovers, things are looking up! Michael Atherton’s Young Lions have won the first test against New Zealand. Haddington 2nd XI beat the Villagers worst score by being skittled out for 11 against Marchmount. East Lothian has emerged unscathed in the local government re-organisation and the first sponsor of the season has stepped forward. Melrose International of Port Seton have generously donated flights to one of five Continental destinations. Details of how you can get your hands on them will follow.
This week’s opponents were Corstorphine 4’s and the lads were quietly confident, given that last season’s fixture proved to be the easiest of the year. It was a bit of a shock when Corstorphine arrived – several were both wearing false noses and beards or dressed as schoolboys. It was comical to see 40-year-old men in short trousers. Yullie was first to see through the charade “it’s their 3rds masquerading as their 4ths”, he claimed with trepidation, remembering the drubbing handed out to the Villagers by the aforementioned team.
So it was with apprehension the squad was called into the dressing room to hear Captain Black read the team sheet. Sixteen super fit athletes honed to perfection sat in silence as the side was announced. The shocks came fast and furious. The “Boss” was out, “pedals” punctured, the “Eagle” hadn’t landed. A gasp ran round the room, Innes was dropped. I mean you don’t leave out someone who brings roast beef sandwiches. You drop those who bring Spam, it’s an unwritten law – this young Captain has a lot to learn!
Having lost the toss and asked to bat, Captain Black led the team on to the field to warm up, this proved almost impossible. Meadowmill has transformed into a bleak uninviting waste land, the icy east wind cuts like a knife. It was so cold, elderly Polar Bears were queuing up for cold weather payments. It was going to be a long day. Patterson and Ronan opened the batting for the Villagers, Burgen and Chapman their protagonists. Burgen’s first ball was given as a wide. A single followed as Patterson sought to keep the strike. Chapman was hit for seven of his first four balls, Ronan majestically square cut him for four. He then went back to a full length ball and was bowled, nine for one. It seemed to get colder as Black replaced him.
He and Patterson struggled with Chapman’s pace and Burgen’s guile and a mere seven runs later Chapman beat Patterson for pace to claim his second wicket. Dobie was next up and settled quickly. Unfortunately Black didn’t. He waggled his bat outside off stump and was snapped up in the slips.
“Sumo” marched out determined to rescue the situation and crashed the first delivery for four. After scoring another three runs Chapman got his revenge, three for four, things were as bleak as the weather.
“Austin” the new boy was next to the middle and looked pretty classy but then a swipe at a full toss brought him down to earth and Chapman had his fifth victory. McGuire in at number seven tried to keep Dobie – who seemed to have the measure of the bowlers – company. Eight runs later, it was Dobie who parted company, given out lbw. Dobie was not amused but the umpires decision is final.
In came Murray with all the arrogance of youth and he soon joined by another who cares not for reputations. Storrie replacing McGuire who became Chapman’s sixth wicket. The two youngsters pulled the match out of the fire, Storrie hitting a quick fire 13 out of a stand of 23, before losing his wicket to Gillis.
Ferrier joined Murray and they continued to pressure the bowlers with some smart running between the wickets. Murray had scored 23 when he fell inevitably to Chapman. Yullie was last in, scored one then decided it was time for tea, as he became Chapman’s eighth victim in a remarkable spell of eight for 55 in 18.2 overs. The stands between Murray and Storrie then Murray and Ferrier had given the Villagers a chance with a total of 104 to defend.
Tea was a welcome break as the players tried desperately to thaw out. I took the opportunity to quiz Captain Black over his controversial team selection. He told me the “Boss” was still carrying an injury and anyway he felt the “Boss’s” lurex underwear were alarming some of the younger players. The others he said on past performances were justified and who was I to question him anyway. I thanked him and slunk away.
What followed was the best spell of controlled bowling in difficult conditions I have seen I some time, “Sumo” opened the attack bowled a maiden, so did Ronan. Not to be outdone “Sumo” followed up with a wicket maiden, Ronan lapsed losing a four of the last ball of his second over, “Sumo” took another wicket in his third over, Ronan did likewise. “Sumo’s” fourth brought two more wickets.
Wickets kept tumbling; Ronan taking another four in five overs as Corstorphine slumped to 35 all out, “Sumo” with four for 19 and Ronan five for sixteen were shouldered off the field. In “Sumo’s” case that was metaphorically speaking as there wasn’t a fork lift handy. Ferrier took a smart catch but Yullie’s effort was quite spectacular, diving full length he came up with the ball but minus two teeth, when Yullie bites the dirt, he bites the dirt.
Another tremendous result and the Villagers have a 100 per cent record still top of the league. Next match is against Falkland 3rd XI away on Saturday, May 28.
W.G. SAID-GRACE
PVCC v FALKLAND - 3rd JUNE 1994
ALLS WELL THAT ENDS WELL AS VILLAGERS TAKE ON FIFERS
Afternoon, cricket lovers, I’ve a rather lot of letters enquiring about Yullie’s wellbeing after last weeks report, so I am pleased to inform you that he is in the “pink” with a Hollywood smile! I had forgotten to tell you that the clubs two latest recruits are sadists, who